Looking Up.

I am writing this at 8 AM on Saturday morning. I've been trying to write since Thursday night, but I've become an old man and I can't do anything after 10 PM anymore. Once the sun goes down, I am exhausted, I don't want to do anything but go to bed. Last night at our Friday night turn-up, (frozen yogurt, and watching Charleigh practice her cartwheels outside) it was about 9:45 when I laughed and Told Al that a few years ago I wouldn't even be getting ready to go out yet. Now I am ready to go to bed. I officially can't hang anymore. 

I've never been so happy to be so tired in my life. I've been working full time as an Uber driver for about a month now. Honestly, I was hesitant to include that in this entry. I know that it's not the most glamorous occupation, and no it's not my dream career, but it is giving me a way to provide for my family and there is NO shame in that. I was always taught that a man does what he has to do for his family. But it's not bad at all, I really enjoy doing it. It has many perks, but this isn't a paid uber advertisement, so I'll leave them out. Just know that I really like doing it. 

When I came back from Kansas City to the DMV, I was very excited. Al and I were in a great place, I was gonna get a good job and everything was gonna be alright. We were ready to conquer the world. Didn't happen. I couldn't get a job. It just wasn't happening. Jobs that I were really qualified for wouldn't even give me an interview. It was crazy, I didn't know what was going on. I was extremely frustrated to say the least.

The situation really tested us. I felt like shit. I couldn't support my family. I felt like I wasn't being a man. It was tough. I never want to feel like I'm being a burden on anyone. Alex didn't make me feel that way, but in my head, that's how I felt. If I'm not being productive, I'm not happy. If I'm not happy, I am no fun to be around. I know that money can't buy you happiness, but when I don't have any, it's hard as hell for me to be happy. It had us thinking that maybe I wasn't supposed to be here. There were times when I came very close to leaving. I was just gonna go back to Kansas City where I have connections and work there. Every time it would come time to leave, I just couldn't do it. I knew that my most important connection was here. I knew that we could make it work here. I know that this is exactly where I'm supposed to be. I believe that it is a part of my purpose.

I knew that I had to make something happen, After applying for countless jobs and not hearing anything back. Something had to give. I couldn't take being broke anymore. It was taking a huge toll on me and my family. I had signed up to be an Uber driver a few months ago, but I had just viewed it as a side hustle. I would just do it here and there. It was a fun way to help keep my head above water. One day I decided to give it a real shot, I woke up early and decided that I was gonna drive from 9-5. Just like a full time job. When I came home at 5, I had made more money for one day than I was making at my government job that I quit last year. I was hooked. I came home so happy, Alex and Charleigh could feel the difference. My energy was very positive, we all felt better.

Fast forward a month later, now I'm driving every day. I am so grateful to be able to work and be productive. I love waking up early in the morning and heading out to work. I love being exhausted at the end of the day. I thank God for every ride that I get. I know that these rides are helping me provide for my family and that is my main focus right now. 

It's crazy how much better being productive has made me feel. Just having that pressure and monkey off my back of trying to find work has done wonders. I feel like I am better in every role that I have. I feel closer to God than I've felt in a long time. My household is doing great. I feel like I am being a better son, brother and friend. My spirits are very high. After being low for so long, it feels good. I'm so happy that I didn't panic and move home.  Things are definitely looking up.