Long Live A1

There was a time when I thought that I couldn't cry. Not like I had to be a man, and men don't cry. I just thought that I literally couldn't cry anymore. I had dealt with some things and thought that they should've made me cry, and I would be extremely upset and hurt,but tears never came out. I thought that maybe my tear ducts had broken. I didn't think much of it, I just figured that I didn't need the actual tears anyway, I still felt all of the hurt in those situations. I went years without having tears on my face. 

Recently, this crazy theory of mine has been debunked. I don't cry often at all. I ain't no punk. However, tears have formed in my eyes and have fallen a few times within the past year. All very serious situations, and I have absolutely no shame about it. 

This week, I've been dealing with one of those situations. Last Saturday, I was sitting in the barbershop waiting for Al to get her cut, when I noticed that I had three missed called in the few minutes that I had stopped staring at Instagram and flipped through a GQ magazine. This was odd, I was sitting next to the only person that calls me back to back to back. When I unlocked my phone, I saw that I was tagged in a photo in Instagram. I opened it and saw a picture of one of my best friends, someone that I considered a brother, Richard. (Rich for short, AKA A-1, I just called him ONE, for shorter.) I was confused, my eyes jumped to the bottom of the caption and I saw the letters RIP. I felt my heart fall to my feet. I couldn't believe what I was reading. I got up and walked out of the shop, Alex followed me. I showed her my phone and she was dejected for me. She had never met him, but had heard a lot about him. She hugged me to console me. I was in denial, this couldn't be true. I called my brother Joe back, and he confirmed the bad news. Somebody stole my brother's life in St. Louis the night before.

Rich was a great guy, a really good dude. Full of life and joy. He had a huge heart. He was a natural leader. ONE wasn't a big guy, but he had the heart of a lion. I never saw him back down from a challenge, on the court or in life. All he cared about was the people that he loved. His woman, his kids, his family and friends. He just wanted to make sure that everybody was taken care of and happy.

I met him in 2007. We were both transferring in to Lincoln U to play ball. We played the same position, so we would be competing for the same spot. He was from St. Louis, I was from Kansas City, you would think that it might be some friction, but we immediately clicked. We went on to become great friends. We ran in the same crew, BMC. We were brothers, we did everything together. Good and bad. We were as tight as possible. His positive spirit was contagious. I don't remember ever being in a bad mood around ONE. No matter what was going on. It didn't matter if we lost a game or won, if we were throwing one of our legendary Blue Magic Monday parties or were getting threatened with being kicked out of school and having our scholarships taken away. Rich was always  Rich. After college, we went our separate ways, but our bond was still the same. I knew that we would be brothers for life. I just didn't know that his life would end so early.

This past week has been tough to say the least. ONE has constantly been on my mind. I'll think about a good time that we had and crack up laughing, then those laughs will turn into tears because I know that we won't make anymore memories. I've been having dreams that we are all together again, ONE is alive and well, we're back running wild, enjoying life. I wake up and it's back to reality. I've called my brothers everyday so we can try to encourage one another. We know that there are no words to make the situation better, but we're all in this together. When someone close to you dies, people try to console you. They tell you things like, “he's in a better place now" or “everything is gonna be alright”. Those statements might be true about older people, who have lived a full life. But in this situation, it just doesn't seem true. Rich was 28 years old, a family man. His kids and his woman need him here. Things are not alright. My guy had a lot of life left to live. He had a lot more to give to this world.

While being encouraged this week, I was told that I will get through this. That's true, I will. I've dealt with enough death to understand that life must go on, so I will get through this. But I'm not sure if I will ever get over it. I'm hurting for Rich. I'm upset for his family. Even though I feel so much pain, I can still find joy thinking about the good times that we had. I'm happy that we crossed paths. I am proud to be called your brother. You will continue to live on through me. So salute to my guy Richard Colby Williams. Watch over me, I'm gonna make you proud. I love you Bro.