Fix.

I went back to Kansas City two weeks ago. I had the honor of being a groomsmen in one of my close friend's wedding. I was happy to make the cut and help my boy celebrate. I wasn't happy with the size of the pants of the rented tux, but it wasn't about me. I was just home for thanksgiving, but for some reason, that felt like so long ago. The days leading up to the trip, I was feeling anxious, I was ready to go. I couldn't wait to get back. I needed to feel the energy of the city. Something about going home always makes me feel rejuvenated. I go home for a few days, get my Kansas City fix and go on about my business back in reality. When this visit was over, I felt no different.

I spent the majority of my time with my parents. They live across town from each other, so I was making a lot of trips back and forth. They are both dealing with health issues, so I was  happy to do whatever I could to make them feel a little better while I was with them. Which most of the time meant just hanging at the house laughing and joking with them or praying with them, or listening to words of wisdom, or laying in the bed with them, or taking them to get something to eat. I would have cooked for them, but I'm not trying to kill them. I can't throw down worth shit in the kitchen. I just wanted to be in their presence as much as possible.

Other times when I have came home, I couldn't wait to be in the streets. As soon as I would touch down in the city, I was on the move. I needed to hit all the spots, be on the scene. This visit, I was happy being wherever they were. I was not able to see everybody that I wanted to, or that wanted to see me, but I felt like spending time with them was what was important.

When I wasn't with them, I was with my other family, my friends. It's crazy to see where we are now. Time is flying so fast. It seems like only yesterday we were giving teacher's hell, getting kicked out of classrooms or fighting and tearing shit up and getting kicked out of clubs. Now most of my boys are fathers, some are husbands, all of them are good ass people. We all have responsibilities these days, and take care of them, but when we get together, we still ain't shit. Just how I like it. 

Son and friend are two roles that I take very serious. Sometimes, I question myself if i'm being the best that I can. I left Kansas City in 2011, I needed to explore, I was looking for excitement. It was very necessary. In the almost 5 years since I left, I have had a lot of great experiences and met a lot of great people including my soon to be wife. So, I know that I made the right decision when I left, but lately I've been missing home a lot more. I feel guilty not being there more for my parents. I wish that I was closer to my boy's kids. I don't long for excitement as much as I used to. I find happiness just being with people that I love and that I know love me.  

I'm blessed that whenever I go home, it's like nothing has changed. Despite the gaps between my visits, the connection is still there. That connection and support that I get from my people back home and my family out here makes me want to be great. I know that I will only be as strong as the people in my life. If I can be as strong as the people that made me, I'll be alright. They make my life better, I hope that I do the same for them.

I often think about moving the family from Maryland back to Kansas City. The main motivation for this is me missing my family. That's not a good enough reason. For one, my mother would be pissed if I was there just looking her in the face everyday. She would kick me out after a week. I've got business to take care of and work to do. Right now I am exactly where I need to be. Doing what I need to do and making them proud is more important than my family seeing me everyday. So until I need my next hit of home, I'll be here in the DMV handling business, trying to put on for my people.