Pick me up.

I am writing this at 7:05 PM on Wednesday evening. I planned on working out tonight. However, I'm feeling lazy, so that's not gonna happen. Good thing I've already got a woman. I ain't trying to impress nobody, she thinks I'm fine already, I'll try again tomorrow. So instead, I've just been taking naps off and on for the last few hours.

I've been off work for the last two days. I had been looking forward to having time to just take it easy. I just wanted to hang with Al and get some rest. We had been planning all weekend to go check out a museum. I had nothing else on my schedule for 48 hours. You know, when we break, WE BREAK.  I worked a double shift on Monday, 16 hours, a hot 16, 2/3 of the day, all damn day, too damn long. When I finally got home, I was excited to sleep. 

I took a shower as soon as I got home. Al was sleep by the time I got out. I got in bed, but couldn't fall asleep. Monday was my brother A1's birthday, since he passed in August, I've had a lot of tough nights. This was another one of those nights, he was on my mind heavy. That shit is still crazy to me. It pissed me off that he wasn't somewhere celebrating another year of life.

I fell asleep eventually, but when I woke up I was still upset. I didn't feel like doing anything. But I knew that Alex had been looking forward to going to see the exhibit. So I pulled it together and we went. We had a great time at the exhibit, it was some beautiful art there. When we left we were starving, we grabbed some food and headed home. It was nap time.  

I woke up in a really bad mood. I wanted to just be alone. That's how I've always dealt with things. Alone. Al woke up and could sense that I was upset. I told her that I wasn't mad at her, I just didn't feel good. She was getting in the shower and I was about to go seclude myself.

I felt dumb when I walked out of the bathroom. First because I was leaving her in the shower, ain't nothing going on in the living room better than that view. Secondly, because I knew that it wasn't fair of me to ruin the whole vibe of the house. When I'm upset, ain't nobody happy. I can ruin everybody's day. I went back in there and she had me laughing and took my mind off of things. I can never stay upset too long around her. I can be irritated, I can damn sure be annoyed, but not upset.

I'm still learning how to be a partner and how to have a partner. I'm so used to dealing with shit on my own, that sometimes I forget that I don't have to anymore. Just being close to Alex cheered me up last night. I'm still learning to depend on someone else. It's not easy.  

In the middle of the night, I heard a little crying voice in our room. Bunni had a bad dream and was upset. We both scooted over and let her in our bed. Those 2 know how to hog a damn bed. They had me smashed against the wall. I woke up because I wasn't comfortable. I looked at Charleigh, she was knocked out like Ronda Rou...never mind. But she was sleeping great, she didn't look anything like the little girl that was wiping her eyes and distraught a couple of hours earlier. Just being around her family made her feel better. I've realized that it works for me just the same. I just have to accept it and stop being so damn stubborn, thinking that I don't need anybody. I'm learning.